5-Second Films, 2016
Starring: Alec Owen, Patton Oswalt, Kelsey Gunn, Paul Prado, Greg Sestero, & a whole bunch more
In its idiot plot, even dumber side-plots, dialogue (“Bop the dude bros on the nose and turn them back into bags of oranges”), special effects (the ripping apart of a torso reminiscent of Blu-tack being stretched), and complete-saturation chauvinism, Dude Bro Party Massacre III is appalling. It is terrible. If you choose to watch this low-quality visuals body horror – and note that there are no prequels – you’ll be opting into scenes like that of a token Asian character’s intestines being unspooled as they are flushed down the toilet by ‘Motherface’ – a matriarchal hoe version of the Texas Chainsaw serial killer archetype.
It is also brilliant. Please. Watch this.
About that plot: Brock Chirino has been murdered. Horribly. To solve the mystery and avenge his brother’s death, Brock’s dork twin Brent infiltrates East Chico University’s most popular fraternity, the Delta Bis. After he helps the gang pull their third mass-fatality prank (the entire population of Parchtown drowned the first time; this year they manage to crash a plane into an orphanage) they are rapped on the knuckles by East Chico with a suspension. Using a girlfriend’s camper van, the sweaty dick-swagging tribe (with shirts all lusciously that little bit too short) head to the same Parchtown to spend the weekend in the copybook horror cabin in the woods.
Expertly gratuitous in its absurd, deranged in its logic (a conspiracy theorist’s delirium), and careering into hugely entertaining ultra-violence as it goes on, Dude Bro Party Massacre III rams a schlock satire first up every kind of 80s slasher trope you’ve peeled your eyes on. Watch for the disturbing ‘short messages’ that shred up the plotline too. And for Patton Oswalt’s guest appearance! Madness. All my money: this’ll be cult.
Published July 2016 in Volume 87, Edition 5 of Pelican Magazine.